Choosing Forgiveness and Love

As 2024 draws to a close, it’s impossible to ignore the sense of heaviness in the air. Even with the election in the rearview mirror, the year has continued to seethe with political divisiveness, deep frustration over social injustices, and senseless violence.

Earlier this month UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was brazenly murdered on the streets of Manhattan by 26-year-old Luigi Mangione, a young man with chronic back pain consumed by rage over systemic inequities in healthcare.

While the young man’s grievances may have been rooted in real struggles that many of us can identify with, his decision to kill is a grim reminder of how fragile our social fabric has become.  Those who cruelly cheered Thompson’s death and naively celebrated his killer as a social justice warrior only added to the cycle of violence that has now become our go-to method of addressing hurt and discontentment.

There is another way.

Lessons from a Survivor of Rwandan Genocide

I was recently reminded of this when I learned about the extraordinary story of a Tutsi woman named Muhongayire, a Rwandan genocide survivor who faced unimaginable loss but chose the path of forgiveness and reconciliation. Muhongayire lost her parents and eight siblings during the 1994 genocide and narrowly escaped death herself. For years, she carried the weight of her pain and anger, haunted by memories of the atrocities she had endured.

In 2024, her story resurfaced as part of ongoing efforts to document Rwanda’s reconciliation process. Years after the genocide, Muhongayire was approached by Karenzi, one of the men involved in the slaughter of her family. He sought her forgiveness as part of Rwanda’s national healing initiatives.

Initially, Muhongayire was overwhelmed by fear and anger, recalling, “When I saw him, I immediately ran away and tried to hide because that triggered me and made me think that he was coming to attack me.”

But the encounter stayed with her.

The Path to Reconciliation

Through community reconciliation programs, Muhongayire began to engage with the stories of those who had caused her harm. She committed to listening to their personal confessions and apologies, many of which seemed sincere. The more she listened, the more she felt a shift within herself.

Over time, Muhongayire found the strength to forgive Karenzi and others like him. “Forgiveness does not mean forgetting,” she explained. “It means choosing not to let the hatred define your life. It was not easy, but it was the only way I could find peace.”

This commitment to the act of forgiveness eventually transformed her life, improving her mental and physical health and giving her a renewed sense of purpose. “I started to feel lighter and stronger. I was able to recover, a little bit.”

Today, she advocates for reconciliation and healing in her community, the latest milestone in a hard, thirty-year journey through which she has transformed extraordinary personal pain into spiritual triumph for the benefit of others.

Choosing Love Over Hate

The young man who killed Brian Thompson allowed his grievances to harden into hatred, and in doing so, he not only took an innocent life, but also closed the door to any constructive resolution of his frustrations, deepening the very wounds he sought to address.

Muhongayire, on the other hand, chose a different path. Forgiveness did not erase her suffering, nor did it absolve the perpetrators of their crimes. But it allowed her to reclaim her life and contribute to healing her community. Her story demonstrates that even in the face of unspeakable harm, compassion and grace can break the cycle of hatred.

As we enter 2025, may we find inspiration in her courage and grace and commit to choosing love over hate, understanding over division, and forgiveness over vengeance.

Wishing you a New Year full of light, love, peace, and brave choices.

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